I wait for the Lord, my whole being waits,
and in his word I put my hope.
6 I wait for the Lord
more than watchmen wait for the morning,
more than watchmen wait for the morning.
Psalm 130:5-6
Why are some days like this? Lord, I need more of you today.
Mostly, I love life.
Mostly, I feel you near, hear your kindness waking me each morning, snuggle under your wings each night, arouse to hear you singing through the "watches of the night."
But on days like this, Lord, my soul waits silently for you. Well, maybe not silently; maybe screamingly. Certainly "more than watchmen wait for the morning."
I really should not be surprised by this angst, this restless fatigue, this fear of nothing and of everything.
I'm waiting today. My whole being waits.
And I hate waiting; it is the hardest thing to do. Wish I could wait more constructively, with better faith, more resilience, strength of character. Get something accomplished while I wait for you to strengthen and settle me.
But right now I just wonder if you can even put up with me.
"Israel, put your hope in the Lord,
for with the Lord is unfailing love
and with him is full redemption." (Psalm 130:7).
I'm choosing your love, Mighty God. I will choose unfailing (yours) when mine is failing. I will ask and expect a clearing of the foggy fear. I will, with the watchmen, know the morning is coming.
And I think I'll go running.
