I wait for the Lord, my whole being waits,
and in his word I put my hope.
6 I wait for the Lord
more than watchmen wait for the morning,
more than watchmen wait for the morning.
Psalm 130:5-6
Why are some days like this? Lord, I need more of you today.
Mostly, I love life.
Mostly, I feel you near, hear your kindness waking me each morning, snuggle under your wings each night, arouse to hear you singing through the "watches of the night."
But on days like this, Lord, my soul waits silently for you. Well, maybe not silently; maybe screamingly. Certainly "more than watchmen wait for the morning."
I really should not be surprised by this angst, this restless fatigue, this fear of nothing and of everything.
I'm waiting today. My whole being waits.
And I hate waiting; it is the hardest thing to do. Wish I could wait more constructively, with better faith, more resilience, strength of character. Get something accomplished while I wait for you to strengthen and settle me.
But right now I just wonder if you can even put up with me.
"Israel, put your hope in the Lord,
for with the Lord is unfailing love
and with him is full redemption." (Psalm 130:7).
I'm choosing your love, Mighty God. I will choose unfailing (yours) when mine is failing. I will ask and expect a clearing of the foggy fear. I will, with the watchmen, know the morning is coming.
And I think I'll go running.
Friday, December 5, 2014
Friday, January 25, 2013
A Running Buddy
I covered, mostly running, a thankful but cold 13 miles this morning. Not alone, mind you. Never alone, with my wonderful Savior and loving Father who has promised not to ever forsake me, but also joined by one of this life's better gifts, a running buddy.
We started out, both exclaiming about the coldness, switching sides of the road to avoid the icy patches. We ran through the neighborhood's snow-dusted streets, lined with clean, white-topped houses and cars. Ran from her streets over into mine, then headed down the main road toward the park. We talked about important things, like neck gaiters and house cleaning and ministry.
Just running together was ministry, at least to me.
We covered the salt-coated lane through the park at a not-too-fast, but not-terribly-slow pace either. We commented on crime and our own fears, prayed over a few specifics, and discussed the mileage needed to complete each others goals.
After parting, just a half mile from home and coffee, I decided to see if I could make another 3-mile loop, to make it 13 instead of 10. Reasoning that I was already sweaty, had checked on Hannah, and that it would probably snow later anyway, I grabbed my phone for the distraction of a podcast, and kept my tired legs moving a bit longer.
Seems like the first 10, with a precious friend, were easier than the last 3. With God's help, and a friend to run with, I made it 13 this morning!
We started out, both exclaiming about the coldness, switching sides of the road to avoid the icy patches. We ran through the neighborhood's snow-dusted streets, lined with clean, white-topped houses and cars. Ran from her streets over into mine, then headed down the main road toward the park. We talked about important things, like neck gaiters and house cleaning and ministry.
Just running together was ministry, at least to me.
We covered the salt-coated lane through the park at a not-too-fast, but not-terribly-slow pace either. We commented on crime and our own fears, prayed over a few specifics, and discussed the mileage needed to complete each others goals.
After parting, just a half mile from home and coffee, I decided to see if I could make another 3-mile loop, to make it 13 instead of 10. Reasoning that I was already sweaty, had checked on Hannah, and that it would probably snow later anyway, I grabbed my phone for the distraction of a podcast, and kept my tired legs moving a bit longer.
Seems like the first 10, with a precious friend, were easier than the last 3. With God's help, and a friend to run with, I made it 13 this morning!
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Wipe out
"But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed."
2 Corinthians 4:7-9
I'm feeling the clay-ness of my jar today, as I literally hit the ground running yesterday morning. 7 miles quickly became just about 4 and a slow walk home, after tripping over some rough road in the predawn and scraping and bruising almost as many parts as not. I'm sure the poor neighbors wondered about all the caterwauling in the street as I cried out to the Lord for mercy and healing while sprawled on the pavement. Between God's kindness and Harry's bandaging, I'm stiff, but not in despair today. It was quite a victory this morning to even take a shower and wash my hair, since I can barely lift my arm. Seems my shoulder, with no visible injury, took most of the impact as I caught myself with my right hand.
You know, I don't like moving slow and feeling like punishment, but it's humbling and a good reminder of what many friends and relatives deal with daily. I wonder if my friend with ALS fights stiffness like this every morning. Perhaps she's given up on hair-styling. I wonder if a young lady I know who wakes up to CF, struggling to breathe and hoping for better meds sees any relief ahead. I could go on.
Not everyone hops out of bed each morning, heads for the coffee, and then for the dark and bumpy road. This one-handed driving and asking the kids to wipe up or to lift my bowl down from the microwave just makes me think. I hope to try a few miles tomorrow, and soon I might shift the Honda into drive without wincing. But what a gift running is. What a gift a pain-free life is. It won't always hurt like it does today, I know. But I'll remember the hurts, and appreciate the strength of those who live this way all the time.
2 Corinthians 4:7-9
I'm feeling the clay-ness of my jar today, as I literally hit the ground running yesterday morning. 7 miles quickly became just about 4 and a slow walk home, after tripping over some rough road in the predawn and scraping and bruising almost as many parts as not. I'm sure the poor neighbors wondered about all the caterwauling in the street as I cried out to the Lord for mercy and healing while sprawled on the pavement. Between God's kindness and Harry's bandaging, I'm stiff, but not in despair today. It was quite a victory this morning to even take a shower and wash my hair, since I can barely lift my arm. Seems my shoulder, with no visible injury, took most of the impact as I caught myself with my right hand.
You know, I don't like moving slow and feeling like punishment, but it's humbling and a good reminder of what many friends and relatives deal with daily. I wonder if my friend with ALS fights stiffness like this every morning. Perhaps she's given up on hair-styling. I wonder if a young lady I know who wakes up to CF, struggling to breathe and hoping for better meds sees any relief ahead. I could go on.
Not everyone hops out of bed each morning, heads for the coffee, and then for the dark and bumpy road. This one-handed driving and asking the kids to wipe up or to lift my bowl down from the microwave just makes me think. I hope to try a few miles tomorrow, and soon I might shift the Honda into drive without wincing. But what a gift running is. What a gift a pain-free life is. It won't always hurt like it does today, I know. But I'll remember the hurts, and appreciate the strength of those who live this way all the time.
Monday, October 8, 2012
Thankful
Life is better thankful.
"Then King David went in and sat before the Lord, and he said:
“Who am I, Sovereign Lord, and what is my family, that you have brought me this far?"
2 Samuel 7:18.
So many beautiful things in life. God answers prayer with much kindness. As Hannah pointed out, He didn't have to make coffee or chocolate...they are just bonuses...pure pleasure.
We had some wonderful, new friends over for dinner yesterday. One of them, a world traveler, not raised to believe, had been in almost every country in the world! He went everywhere searching for God, for the true religion. He visited churches of every kind, listened, read books, and now attends our church! So beautiful and gracious of the Lord, to bring him back to a little, Presbyterian church in Frederick, Maryland. And yet, my heart cries out in thankfulness, I was born into this truth. I was taught truth from babyhood. I am so blessed!
Just makes me say with David, "who am I, Sovereign Lord, and what is my family, that you have brought me this far?"
I do not know what lies ahead...for me, for my family, or for my country. It seems, if you look for them, there are threats on every side.
But outside my window is a gold-leafed, silver-trunked birch. And at my kitchen table is a blue-eyed 12-year-old who "gets" her algebra today. Tomorrow, I plan to discuss God's faithfulness and share lunch with about 35 beautiful, godly women. I've been given much...just feeling the thankfulness, loving our generous God, and praying for the Light in the dark places.
There are those...dark places of hopeless fear for those lost and wandering. So many want nothing to do with the Way, the Truth and the Life. And by grace poured out I know Him, through no wisdom or rightness of my own.
Ran 40 miles last week! Should add a few and try to run my age one of these weeks. Another pile of thankfulness there...in the gift of running.
Join me, won't you? Let's notice the beauty, and choose to be thankful. It's another blessing, really.
2 Samuel 7:18.
So many beautiful things in life. God answers prayer with much kindness. As Hannah pointed out, He didn't have to make coffee or chocolate...they are just bonuses...pure pleasure.
We had some wonderful, new friends over for dinner yesterday. One of them, a world traveler, not raised to believe, had been in almost every country in the world! He went everywhere searching for God, for the true religion. He visited churches of every kind, listened, read books, and now attends our church! So beautiful and gracious of the Lord, to bring him back to a little, Presbyterian church in Frederick, Maryland. And yet, my heart cries out in thankfulness, I was born into this truth. I was taught truth from babyhood. I am so blessed!
Just makes me say with David, "who am I, Sovereign Lord, and what is my family, that you have brought me this far?"
I do not know what lies ahead...for me, for my family, or for my country. It seems, if you look for them, there are threats on every side.
But outside my window is a gold-leafed, silver-trunked birch. And at my kitchen table is a blue-eyed 12-year-old who "gets" her algebra today. Tomorrow, I plan to discuss God's faithfulness and share lunch with about 35 beautiful, godly women. I've been given much...just feeling the thankfulness, loving our generous God, and praying for the Light in the dark places.
There are those...dark places of hopeless fear for those lost and wandering. So many want nothing to do with the Way, the Truth and the Life. And by grace poured out I know Him, through no wisdom or rightness of my own.
Ran 40 miles last week! Should add a few and try to run my age one of these weeks. Another pile of thankfulness there...in the gift of running.
Join me, won't you? Let's notice the beauty, and choose to be thankful. It's another blessing, really.
Friday, September 21, 2012
The Scarlet Protection
Just got done studying Joshua chapter 2, about Rahab. She daringly hid Israel's spies from the king of Jericho, and then asked them to return the favor by protecting the lives of her family members when Israel came to destroy Jericho. She'd heard tell of their God, and believed what she had heard.
They told her to hang a scarlet cord from the window of her house, an identification to save the lives of whoever is inside.
As the spies snuck out, following Rahab's advice to go hide in the hills until the king's soldiers gave up looking, she immediately tied the scarlet in the window. And later, Joshua 6:23 tells us that her family was indeed saved as Israel trashed and burned the rest of Jericho.
Reminds me of another case of scarlet protection. Remember the Passover lamb? The Israelites, captive slaves in Egypt, were about to be set free. God is not to be messed with, and Pharoah had refused to let Moses and God's people go, even through many messy plagues. Their land had also been trashed. Locusts who ate every green thing, gnats, frogs, blood in their river, boils on their bodies, hail and flies had devastated pretty much everything.
So God's people were instructed to kill a perfect lamb, put its blood on the doorposts of their houses, and stay inside overnight. God is not only loving, merciful, and patient, He is also dangerous to those who persist in defying him. Pharoah persisted, and the Israelites were safe only because of the scarlet blood marking their homes.
So...lots of Bible history, pretty violent, not the loving grandfather we like to think that God is. Does this apply to me, now? Is my home marked with scarlet to save us from the righteous anger of a God who is persistently defied by our culture and our leaders? Mine is. I hope yours is.
The scarlet marking my home is none other than the blood of "the lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world"! (John 1:29) The good news is I don't have to stay in the house to be protected by the scarlet of Jesus's blood. I can go anywhere, my family can go out fearlessly, because we live this side of the cross, and because of the real gift of the Holy Spirit. John 14:16, Jesus speaking, "And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Counselor to be with you forever—." Praise God...our God is not just with us at home, He is with us "wherever you go." (Joshua 1:9, Matthew 1:23)
So the scarlet protection doesn't just mark my house...if you stop by, you won't see a cord or any blood on the doorpost. We, by the gracious gift of Jesus's death on the cross, are marked with the blood of God himself, invisible, and maybe annoying to those who don't want to see or know, but strength, peace, and freedom to us. And, completely available to anyone who, like Rahab, cares less for Jericho's temptations and believes what they have heard about the power and love of God. We pray that the scarlet protection might be yours, too. It's the only way to live in this fearful, defiant world.
They told her to hang a scarlet cord from the window of her house, an identification to save the lives of whoever is inside.
As the spies snuck out, following Rahab's advice to go hide in the hills until the king's soldiers gave up looking, she immediately tied the scarlet in the window. And later, Joshua 6:23 tells us that her family was indeed saved as Israel trashed and burned the rest of Jericho.
Reminds me of another case of scarlet protection. Remember the Passover lamb? The Israelites, captive slaves in Egypt, were about to be set free. God is not to be messed with, and Pharoah had refused to let Moses and God's people go, even through many messy plagues. Their land had also been trashed. Locusts who ate every green thing, gnats, frogs, blood in their river, boils on their bodies, hail and flies had devastated pretty much everything.
So God's people were instructed to kill a perfect lamb, put its blood on the doorposts of their houses, and stay inside overnight. God is not only loving, merciful, and patient, He is also dangerous to those who persist in defying him. Pharoah persisted, and the Israelites were safe only because of the scarlet blood marking their homes.
So...lots of Bible history, pretty violent, not the loving grandfather we like to think that God is. Does this apply to me, now? Is my home marked with scarlet to save us from the righteous anger of a God who is persistently defied by our culture and our leaders? Mine is. I hope yours is.
The scarlet marking my home is none other than the blood of "the lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world"! (John 1:29) The good news is I don't have to stay in the house to be protected by the scarlet of Jesus's blood. I can go anywhere, my family can go out fearlessly, because we live this side of the cross, and because of the real gift of the Holy Spirit. John 14:16, Jesus speaking, "And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Counselor to be with you forever—." Praise God...our God is not just with us at home, He is with us "wherever you go." (Joshua 1:9, Matthew 1:23)
So the scarlet protection doesn't just mark my house...if you stop by, you won't see a cord or any blood on the doorpost. We, by the gracious gift of Jesus's death on the cross, are marked with the blood of God himself, invisible, and maybe annoying to those who don't want to see or know, but strength, peace, and freedom to us. And, completely available to anyone who, like Rahab, cares less for Jericho's temptations and believes what they have heard about the power and love of God. We pray that the scarlet protection might be yours, too. It's the only way to live in this fearful, defiant world.
Friday, September 14, 2012
Strong and Courageous
The world scares me sometimes. Have you read the headlines lately? I don't recommend it, but I guess to a certain extent I need to know what's going on in the world. We don't even watch any news around here, just read the WSJ each day, but it does seem that things are dangerous out there, and even close to home.
Troubled by the Mideast, concerned for the apparently serious accident that stopped traffic for hours on the interstate nearby, I drove out of our neighborhood yesterday afternoon to pick up my dancer, and a little old man driving a big, new SUV turned left and almost plowed right into me as I waited at the stop sign! Junior and I were both big-eyed for a while after I leaned on the horn and the man swerved and missed my front bumper. I wondered if he needed cataract surgery as I thanked God for protecting us.
I don't like the news of cancers and ALS diagnoses I've heard from friends lately. I don't even like thinking about the election coming up. Scary world, but a mighty God. He IS sovereign. I believe that.
None of this surprises Him, and Hannah and I learned Joshua 1:8-9 last week. "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."
The only way to live, it seems to me, in this dangerous world, is to know that. Truth is a powerful thing, and as I ran 6 sweet miles this morning, God reminded me of the truth. Nothing is certain on this planet, except for Him. I pray that so many of the scared people out there, scared with good reason, will run right into our sovereign, loving God very soon.
Troubled by the Mideast, concerned for the apparently serious accident that stopped traffic for hours on the interstate nearby, I drove out of our neighborhood yesterday afternoon to pick up my dancer, and a little old man driving a big, new SUV turned left and almost plowed right into me as I waited at the stop sign! Junior and I were both big-eyed for a while after I leaned on the horn and the man swerved and missed my front bumper. I wondered if he needed cataract surgery as I thanked God for protecting us.
I don't like the news of cancers and ALS diagnoses I've heard from friends lately. I don't even like thinking about the election coming up. Scary world, but a mighty God. He IS sovereign. I believe that.
None of this surprises Him, and Hannah and I learned Joshua 1:8-9 last week. "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."
The only way to live, it seems to me, in this dangerous world, is to know that. Truth is a powerful thing, and as I ran 6 sweet miles this morning, God reminded me of the truth. Nothing is certain on this planet, except for Him. I pray that so many of the scared people out there, scared with good reason, will run right into our sovereign, loving God very soon.
Monday, September 10, 2012
Walk and stretch...and pray
Today was a recovery day. Meaning I don't get to run on Mondays, usually. Waah, right?
It's amazingly hard to get out of my routine, even just to slow to a walk one day a week. But, after long runs back to back on Saturday and Sunday mornings, my legs need a break and a good stretch, so I walk and stretch instead. Yoga with my Jillian DVD is not terribly calming, but it's different for sure.
So, I'd rather run, sort of, but I forced myself to take it slower today.
Change is hard, and even though we've moved quite a lot, changed schooling situations several times, and even eat differently these days, I still prefer the relative comfort of sameness.
I just finished reading "Kisses from Katie" by Katie Davis, and I know God's calling for some changes in my life. I'm a bit scared. I like my comfortable life the way it is right now. But we've been praying to be "transformed by the renewing of our minds," Romans 12:2, and so I must embrace and cooperate with God's process of transformation.
Katie says, "We aren't really called to save the world, not even to save one person; Jesus does that. We are just called to love with abandon. We are called to enter into our neighbors' sufferings and love them right there." (p. 214)
I'm thinking about this today. God's changing me, changing my perspective, opening my eyes to where I should be entering into the sufferings of those around me. And I'm past wanting to stay comfortable, to do the same things tomorrow as I did today. First thing this morning was prayer, then a walk and yoga. Harry joined me for the first two. I've got him eating differently...a lot more veggies and fruit, but yoga is NOT happening, don't worry.
Change is uncomfortable, whether it's slowing down for a day, or seeing with new eyes the suffering around me, but I'm called to it, to transformation. I want it because I want more of Him, my wonderful Savior. He is the best thing I've got. He calls me to a whole new life, and I'm in.
My body is grateful for a slow-down day, and my heart is grateful for the adventure of life with the God who changes me.
It's amazingly hard to get out of my routine, even just to slow to a walk one day a week. But, after long runs back to back on Saturday and Sunday mornings, my legs need a break and a good stretch, so I walk and stretch instead. Yoga with my Jillian DVD is not terribly calming, but it's different for sure.
So, I'd rather run, sort of, but I forced myself to take it slower today.
Change is hard, and even though we've moved quite a lot, changed schooling situations several times, and even eat differently these days, I still prefer the relative comfort of sameness.
I just finished reading "Kisses from Katie" by Katie Davis, and I know God's calling for some changes in my life. I'm a bit scared. I like my comfortable life the way it is right now. But we've been praying to be "transformed by the renewing of our minds," Romans 12:2, and so I must embrace and cooperate with God's process of transformation.
Katie says, "We aren't really called to save the world, not even to save one person; Jesus does that. We are just called to love with abandon. We are called to enter into our neighbors' sufferings and love them right there." (p. 214)
I'm thinking about this today. God's changing me, changing my perspective, opening my eyes to where I should be entering into the sufferings of those around me. And I'm past wanting to stay comfortable, to do the same things tomorrow as I did today. First thing this morning was prayer, then a walk and yoga. Harry joined me for the first two. I've got him eating differently...a lot more veggies and fruit, but yoga is NOT happening, don't worry.
Change is uncomfortable, whether it's slowing down for a day, or seeing with new eyes the suffering around me, but I'm called to it, to transformation. I want it because I want more of Him, my wonderful Savior. He is the best thing I've got. He calls me to a whole new life, and I'm in.
My body is grateful for a slow-down day, and my heart is grateful for the adventure of life with the God who changes me.
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